Can We Rock Our MAGA Hats Safely in Public Again?


Since Biden has made the United States a toilet country, I was curious if a patriot could wear a MAGA cap in public without being insulted and spit on. The MAGA hat may be a welcome sight in these times, and not only as a reminder of good times with cheap gas and mean tweets but also as a sign of better times ahead. Yes, I’m counting.

Further, I believe that wearing a Biden cap — if such a thing exists — would be a cause for a lot of shaming and a lot of kicking. This carnage must be paid for. Gas prices and inflation are consuming the money I used for gin martinis or steak at the bar. Now, I’m Mr. Crankypants and someone has to pay.

Today’s results from my bloodwork revealed that I had a steak. My cholesterol could prevent an albatross from flying in the middle of the flight. I have to avoid ribeyes, just like Joe Biden does in the White House toilet. A decent rib eye is now only $17 so it’s time to stop eating the caveman diet. The hippy den of Trader Joe’s is the best place to buy rabbit food for heart-healthy people and test-wear MAGA hats.

Trader Joe’s: A grocery store that exudes a Woodstock-inspired hippy-dippy vibe, Trader Joe’s can be found in the West End. Trader Joe’s is the star child. All I can tell you is to choose your mushrooms with care. Customers are encouraged to help pack groceries and even smile as they do it. Long Islanders still wear masks at this location.

Long Island was blue for a long time, but it went all-out red last November in the 2021 elections. Four of the four elections were won by elephants. There are still many commies.

It is important to remember that my fiance was told by Trader Joe to wear a mask the day before Comrade Hochul disregarded the mask mandate. She refused the request, being a proud Puerto Rican patriot and strong Puerto Rican.

I donned my MAGA hat and headed in to see what would happen if anything.

At 56 years old, I was the oldest person in Trader Joe’s. Many of the shoppers were minorities from all walks of life. About 20% of cart jockeys wore masks. Two cashiers, one with whom I have pleasantries regularly, tried to determine if my red cap was of the MAGA variety. After glancing in disbelief twice, they returned to their registers. Two other women looked at it and did not react in any way. I made a second round of the store before choosing a lane to checkout. A young, white woman, who I would describe as a “hipster”, gave me a “microaggression” look.

Although Trader Joe’s may be a paradise for liberals, it doesn’t stock all the essentials of a true American. I won’t drink a martini with no cocktail onions or bleu cheese-stuffed tomatoes. (What is it, an animal? Gropey Joe helped me to enjoy my martinis at my home. So, I went to ShopRite, a larger chain grocery store.

Pro tip: Wearing a MAGA hat in a restaurant could result in you eating some communist DNA. Be careful.

Goth Hooters sounds like somewhere where depressed chickens are allowed to eat.

ShopRite: The atmosphere was different at this grocery store. I was the youngest person shopping and, I must say, the most attractive. I think I could have had my pick from the bingo-pushing babes in that store. Only 14% of people were wearing masks, and almost 50% were pushing carts that contained a 5-lb. Box of Matzo. In just five minutes I was able to go from shopping with hipsters for organic cashews to shopping with old Jews looking to enter heaven.

Nearly no one noticed my hat because the majority of my clients were older and had poor eyesight. The only person who noticed my hat was a 68-year-old man, and he gave me a thumbs-up.

Pro-tip: Show people this image of Canada’s Princess Trudeau when they tell you MAGA Hats are racists’ uniforms.

Laundromat: I purchased my favorite olives, as “tipsy” sweet peppers and “tipsy” cherries to garnish my bloody Caesar. My next stop was the laundry room. Because everyone here is Hispanic, this was a risky move. My MAGA hat could this be a problem? It all depends on where you are located.

A young Uber driver from Venezeula told me via Google Translate on her phone that Trump was very popular back at CPAC. She stated, “You have a powerful nation and need a strong man to lead it.” Not the man you voted for.”


The young lady working in the laundromat was often there and could barely speak English. I waved hello to her and threw my bed into the washer. Although the hat did not have an impact on her, I’m not sure if it had any effect on her ability to read English. There was a Spanish channel on her TV.

KDJ Bloody Caesar is made using Ketel One Cucumber and Mint vodka. It’s garnished with one sweet potato, one cherry, one slice of bacon, and one oyster. Garnish it garishly, or you can go home!

Bar: I made my final stop at Time Out Bar, Hicksville. It is not worth it to sit in a washing machine while there are good bars located 300 feet away. Here, I have killed Stalin-like amounts of brain cells. They know me. My hat was appreciated and I received a high-five. I am home.

Conclusion: Based on what I see in the news, it seems that the “orange man evil” leftards who claimed Trump would destroy the economy and begin WWIII are not qualified to judge us and our Trump gear. You can wear what you want. Let them cause trouble. Who isn’t armed these days? A MAGA hat can make you an inspiration to other patriots. It will be seen by others and they may even want to get one. It’s happened to me!